TALICEE'S JOURNEY

Our week:

I thought I would let everyone know how we are are doing this week. It has been a rough week. Randy's work is piling up and seems to be no end. This is good in a way and in another way it is bad. I always feel like I am a single parent during April-October. We are just in the few days of April and I already feel that way. Randy's days begin at 3:00 a.m. - 8:00 p.m. Yes I said 3:00 a.m. The other day he did not get home until 9:30. I hope we are beginning to see the result of all of this work soon. When you own your own business, life is like this.

I have had sick kids this week. I had one have a dentist appointment today and one have a Dr.'s appointment today also. And to add to the madness, we have to go tomorrow to get refingerprinted. We have the go to Charlotte, NC. This is an all day trip. I just don't understand why the government needs them again. But, what can I do.

I am almost numb to the adoption process. The Dr. called yesterday and was questioning something we had to have redone for our updated homestudy. I do have to admitted, I broke down at that point. I am beginning to think that this adoption is not going to happen. When I feel I get a step ahead, I seem to fall back 12 steps. I read on a few other blogs that everyone else is feeling this way also. I just don't even think about the adoption any more. Yesterday I was afraid that someone would ask me about the adoption. I knew that I would just cry on the spot. I know that everyone means well when asking. I just feel like it will never end. I have also gotten to the point, with all other adopting parents, to say who knows when it will happen.

I did contact CCAI this week. I needed to get some info so that I could plan for my children this summer. I was told that I should go on a plan the summer camps for my children. We have a 50/50 chance on getting a referral this month or next. This was just another dagger in the heart. Here I had thought maybe we would travel at the latest, June or ealy July. Now it seems that we may not travel until late July or August. Once again, we will have to deal with the school thing for the kids. Life is uncertain day to day. This adoption is very uncertain. God is controlling this. I got an e-mail from my sister today. It stated that I should just put all things I can't handle into God's to handle box. I can't change what happens. I can only change how I react and how I choose to handle the situation. I must go on and live my life to the fullest as it is the last day of my life. Yes, I want my daughter. Yes, I am dissapointed that she is not her. Yes, I want to scream and cry all day long. But were will this get me. Just give me a headache. So, I must rely on my faith and let God control our adoption and my life. Keep praying for Talicee, her birth mother and for us as a family. All in God's timing.